Pages

Saturday, 10 January 2015

Running from a standing start


For a while now, I have wondered if there is something wrong with me.  I feel tired, all of the time.  I had hoped that Christmas would be an opportunity to recharge my batteries, but lovely as it was, the constant ebb and flow of guests from the 24th until 2nd Jan just served to exhaust me further.  Thus, I limped out of 2014 into 2015. In my heart, I’d hoped from the 1st Jan I’d start limbering up, flexing those muscles and breaking into at least a steady jog, but it hasn’t happened. There is a willingness of mind and purpose, but my body just says no, every part of me aches, from my eyelids to my ankles.

A notebook, with a life list of tasks for this year, lies abandoned on the desk.  My colourful new trainers, a present from Santa, have hit the gym for a mere 5 minutes.  Each day, I spend squinting after putting the lights on by 11am, in the dim January light; my eyes watering with tiredness.  This week, I have faced the fact; I am just exhausted.  I’ve thought about the lack of energy to exercise, to start or complete projects, to socialise (although I force myself to do this), to blog, the inability to sleep - despite feeling so tired.  I have come to the conclusion that I can’t carry on like this.  I feel like I’m 79 not 39. It’s ridiculous.

There are some things I cannot change.  EB’s early morning waking for example. Yet, I can go to bed earlier -  even if I find it difficult to sleep, I am still resting.  I can allow myself one cup of coffee - but then I should switch to tea - if I feel I need another pep up during the day, as I know that coffee later than 3pm keeps me awake.  The house still isn’t finished, and there is still so much to do. This place is like the Forth bridge, I’m not sure we’ll ever get to the end.  Cracks are now appearing in the fresh plaster work and the snagging list runs to 8 pages of A4.  I keep putting off the meeting with the builder because it feels like such a mammoth task but the reality is, I just need to get on with it and I will feel better when it’s done.

How do you start running from a standing (or should that be stooping?) start? Is the question I keep asking myself. (Literally and metaphorically - those trainers aren’t going to wear themselves out on their own.)  I think I’ve finally got to the answer.  The only way is to work through the pain.

I want to feel more energised in 2015. This is my year. The year of thirty-ten. If I do nothing, how can I expect to feel better?  I just need to start gently and work up in small increments.  I have been reading ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Ruben this past couple of weeks. The small amount I have read I have found inspiring. After the upheaval of the last two years, order and focus is what I need and there are some wonderful examples and tips in this book of how to achieve it. I particularly like the way the book gives focus to different areas in different months of the year. Gently does it.

Ten days into January, I am still at my standing start but I am determined to battle through the tiredness and energise myself.  It starts now; by writing it down, by committing it here.

  • Exercise twice a week.
  • Go to bed earlier
  • Make time for myself to relax and do the things I love (Like write this blog. One thing I have realised, is that I have very little ‘down’ time.)

That’s it. Life in bite size chunks. Tackling a few things at a time.  Everything else on my list can come later. February, for instance.

And now, on the 10th January, I’m off - to put on my trainers.  Have a lovely weekend. x

14 comments:

  1. Ah how I've missed your blog. One of my all time favourites. I'm sorry that you're feeling this why but I'm sure it will pass. You've got two young ones who are permanently demanding and a house project which is equally so. Take it easy and care for yourself. I am notoriously bad at going to bed early but know I must. 2015 is a new year! I love that sense of anticipation. X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your lovely words. Going to bed early is an equally as hard challenge as exercise for me! 9pm is when I usually stop 'working' for the day and I love to have at least a couple of hours to relax. Bedtime before 11pm feels way too early - even with a little person that gets up at the crack of dawn! x

      Delete
  2. Oh blimey..... I feel for you. I love the idea of the happiness project - small bite sized chunks. Physically and mentally, you've been through a lot this last year what with a new baby/toddler and a massive building project. It sounds like you are being a little hard on your self. Of course you are exhausted, and now you need to take extra care of yourself - build yourself back up in small chunks - really take care of your own needs. There might be something else going on too re. the total lack of energy. Given the lack of sleep you had all through this, do you think you might be feeling a little depressed too? This is also a rubbish time of year for energy and get-up-and-go anyway - it's actually time when we are supposed to be resting ourselves and getting ready for the spring. Well being in the West is so messed up. I want to come over and make you a relaxing pot of tea! Love the title of this post by the way - would make such a great title for a novel! Big love! X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about depressed. There have been times when I have wondered - but really I think I'm just over tired / sleep deprived and have too much to do. Anyway - here's to working through it and a more relaxing year ahead! x

      Delete
  3. Sorry to hear you have been finding things very tiring of late, can you catch a sneaky day or weekend break with your husband or a friend to get a bit of a break and chance to recharge your batteries? x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A weekend break would be lovely…good idea :0)

      Delete
  4. I'm a big fan of Gretchen Rubin - bite sized steps to get things done. Her other book Happier at Home is really good and I'm looking forward to Better than Before, which is about how our habits shape our lives and strategies for changing them. Sorry to hear you feel a bit slowed down, you do seem to have a lot on, as other people have said. I hope you find a way out of the fog soon. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment Polly. I'm only a quarter of the way through the GR book (and finding the time to read it is part of the battle! But, am really enjoying it so far.) x

      Delete
  5. It's sounds like you've been running on empty, MP. I can't believe you're still soldiering on with your house renovations. You must feel like it's been going on forever. No wonder you're tired :( I hope 2015 is the year that you can get it all done and focus on something more soul-warming instead xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I comment here ( weeks later - oops) the builder has been, we've agreed the list, and the snagging has started. Hurrah - I feel freedom is in my reach! x

      Delete
  6. I really enjoyed Rubin's book. I wonder if your thyroid is slightly under active - your gp could check with a simple blood test. The remedy is a safe tablet to top up your thyroxine levels. I had an overactive thyroid once and treatment was more complicated in that case. I was very hyper active then! Take care xx Sandra

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had wondered about thyroid so have booked an appt to see the Doctor. Thanks.

      Delete
  7. I've spent the last week yawning my head off and I thought it was my Crohn's but now I'm not sure. I've been exercising and going to be early when I can and it's certainly helping. I got a Lumie body clock which is helping with the waking up in the morning and staying awake rather than hitting that snooze button for 5 or 6 times! I've got the book Happier at Home on my kindle and need to read it. In fact, I'm going to go to bed early tonight and read it! Best wishes, Sarah xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Going to bed early - I try so hard but I am such a slow coach. Would love to hear how you find Happier at Home. x

      Delete