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Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Almost There




The Easter holidays are nearly over.  Three weeks of double trouble; Pip and EB each day, every day. I wondered how I’d cope after finding just one week at half term difficult. But this time, as the holidays approached, I didn’t worry about it.  Passing the 3 month stage with  EB helped, things got easier; small things, such as him being able to sit up in his pram and look at the world around him, made a difference.

The weather hasn’t always been my friend; rain, sleet and bracing winds have tried their best some days to thwart our plans. But true to my resolve, we’ve carried our weather with us, and haven’t been governed by the dismal forecasts.  Pip, frenetic ball of energy that he is, has been exercised daily in windy, London parks even if he has been racing around them tumbleweed like, on his own.


On inclement days, we’ve baked, baked and baked some more. Our best creation our Easter Nest Cake. When the heavens have opened, Octonauts have presided in a sea of surfy suds the kitchen sink, (thank you Easter Bunny for your inspired gift of Shellington and his Gup A).  In the living room, dens have been made out of everything available from sofa cushions, blankets, jigsaw boxes and EB’s bouncy chair. It’s been hard work trying to recreate each new version to be as good as the last, but even though I say so myself, I’ve become quite adept at creating something magical from a few bean bags and a travel cot mattress. 


During longer breaks in the clouds, we’ve left London and inhaled smog free open air.  Being as active as possible seems to help dampen some of the rising testosterone in my nearly 4 year old. A trip to an estuary beach on a lack lustre day, it’s wartime pillboxes now in ruins from coastal erosion; a bleak prospect for me, but an adventurer's dream for Pip.  A walk in the woods, near Grandma’s house; an opportunity to make real life dens, or lay claim to those already made by others.  A bribe to my brother to bring his newly acquired vintage wartime vehicle to visit us, so Pip could sit up high and pretend play. 

An unforeseen consequence of this is I’ve had little or no time to myself.  It's been impossible to catch more than 5 minutes to do anything. In the end, I decided it was futile to fight it. Better to throw myself wholeheartedly into the holiday spirit rather than try to squeeze in a blog post or format a recent photo project and feel frustrated because I couldn’t complete it.  Better to say; for these three weeks, I’ll put my own stuff to one side.  I wouldn’t want life to be that way all the time; I need my own space, my own ways to relax, but forcing them into a schedule where there isn’t room for them doesn’t work. It makes me feel stressed and afterwards; selfish.  Accepting self-sacrifice is the better short term option is one of the aspects of mothering I have always found difficult to deal with. But, I now recognise that on occasion, doing this is for the greater good, we’re all happier for it - including me.

Days have become weeks and suddenly we’re almost there; at the end. Only a couple of days remaining before pre-school starts again. The past three weeks have been good for Pip and I. We’ve spent a lot of time together and as a result, we’re more connected.  Daddy is still his adored hero, but I feel that Mummy has reclaimed her place as his princess again.  My sweet boy has grown up so much in the four and a half months since he became a big brother. He hasn’t always found it easy - and neither have I.  But, I can sense the change; we’ve turned the corner, we’re almost there.  Hugs at bedtime are once again freely given and the words ‘ I love you Mummy’ are offered up from the small sleepy head on a bedtime pillow.  Our relationship is almost as it was pre-EB (albeit with the added addition of little brother in tow.). We’ve found our equilibrium again and it feels good.

I know I will feel a pang of sorrow as I wave him off on Thursday morning.  I will miss him, miss his chatter, his observations on the world around him and our rediscovered closeness. But truth be told, I’m also looking forward to a sneaky cappuccino in my favourite coffee shop, the chance to sit quietly and take the time to unravel the unwritten blog posts and the half finished 'To Do' lists of the last three weeks and watch the world go by.  Better still, I’m pretty sure there will be sunshine. About time too.

16 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you flung yourself into family mode for the holidays. I'm going to have to do that this summer. Properly be in the zone for the little people I spend my days blogging about... Enjoy that cappucino - you've earned it!!

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    1. Thank you. I would love to be able to spin all the plates but right now it's just not possible! x

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  2. Sounds like you have been having great fun, think you deserve that cappuccino in peace now-enjoy it!

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  3. It's amazing how little head space there is during the holidays, even with one! My little man went back to school on Monday, and whilst I do miss him, he needed to go back, and I needed to get back into some sort of routine. The consolation is it's only six weeks until the next break. Lovely photos!

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    1. Yes, I think one or two, it doesn't matter - there just isn't any headspace. I agree, can't wait to get back to the routine of normal everyday life. x

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  4. Oh nice. My 4 year old was on holiday too and we've been quite active. The weather didn't help but it didn't stop us either! Housework was left for the last place x

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    1. Hmmm. Housework *runs finger over sideboard suspiciously* I remember that....

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  5. It sounds like you all had a lovely time - and I'm hoping the sea air lifted your spirits. It's really nice to get away from the blog and writing from time to time - I always find I come back to it refreshed and with better ideas and purpose. I love that you and Pip have really connected again - it's such an adjustment when the second comes along (not that I would really know - I can only imagine). Enjoy that cup of coffee (and slice of cake) and feel inspired again! XXX. (ps I love the top photo).

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    1. It has been a real adjustment not just for me, being a Mum to two now, but for Pip and I and our relationship. The Essex coast isn't the best coastal air in the world..but it's great for a 3 year old :0)

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  6. This almost had me in tears and as I'm not a crier, you should be very proud! I love that you seem to be getting some kind of normality back in your lives and that EB is warming to you again. It's been a tough few months but you're out the other side and your wise words about not trying to squeeze in our own enjoyments, apply to us all. Sometimes it just isn't worth it. Lovely post x

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment Suzanne. x

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  7. I can almost feel the sigh of relief. Wonderful news you have found your equilibrium so quickly. Your utter contentment just shines through. You'll enjoy that coffee all the more for the waiting for it! Really glad for you :)

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  8. I've found the same to be true. Not to try and force things in to days where there's absolutely no room. I try not to think about my own projects but rejoice when I do get the odd hour to work on them. It sounds like you've had the best three weeks you possibly could. Time to rest a little now maybe?

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  9. New here - sounds like a great holiday - I think you're right throwing yourself right in there and just getting on with holidays funs!



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  10. Lovely post. Love your writing style too. ANd your photos. Gorgeous. Your post reminds me of the one I wrote as last summer holidays came to a close 'Back to School- Farewell Kairos, Hello Chronos' (http://wp.me/p2oDmP-7U) summing up the mixed feelings we have of losing that free and easy time with our loved little ones, ushering them back into the strict 'chronos' time of school, but regaining our precious time for ourselves that we need to maintain our sanity. You're so right to let go of our selfish desires for a short time for their own benefit. Its hard, but its paid off, as you've seen with your son.

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