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Wednesday, 30 May 2012

The Last Hurrah

 
In early March, we found ourselves sitting in a consultant’s room in a private fertility clinic.  With my 37th birthday approaching, I needed to understand if there was a reason why Mother Nature had chosen not to bestow another child upon us.

The results of an ultrasound scan and some simple blood tests revealed that there was no medical reason why we hadn’t conceived again.  I had a good ovarian egg reserve, and for a woman of my age, the ultrasound scan showed an excellent number of follicles. It felt a slightly odd experience as they waved at me through the monitor, like anemones floating in a deep, dark sea.  As I looked back at the screen, silently I prayed to them; "One of you must be hiding a good egg in there. Let me have it, please." Nothing but quiet filled the room. I wondered if, by some ethearal or higher force, my message had reached them, or indeed, whether finally, I was just losing the plot.

We left the clinic agreeing that the next course of action we would proceed with in the short term was an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram); a procedure that would be carried out under a local anaesthetic to identify if there were any blockages in my fallopian tubes. 

Even when you’re trying to do something as important as conceive a baby, life sometimes gets in the way. Our already booked holiday and my cycle times, meant the HSG would have to wait until our return. A small part of me welcomed a break from the emotional roller coaster before we started the next part of our journey.  A new halo of hope shone on the horizon, but in the period in between, there was a chance to have one week, where I wouldn’t feel guilty or anxious about what I ate or drank in case I was pregnant;  a week where I could truly relax. My husband understood;  we agreed that the holiday would be our ‘Last Hurrah’.  We’d leave the fertility monitor at home and just enjoy ourselves. And on our return, we’d pick up our journey again, with renewed purpose and positivity.
 
I so needed that holiday.  The sun, the sea,  the time with my boys.  I felt more relaxed than I’d felt for ages.  Knowing that once we returned we would be taking positive steps towards our goal, and taking control of the situation, made me feel liberated. It was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Once we returned home, I awaited my period, so I could then call the clinic to arrange a date for the HCG.  But it never came.   And last week, at 13 weeks, I finally got to see the lasting legacy of our last hurrah,  bouncing around in black and white on a monitor.  Finally, I can  say those words, and believe it.  I’m pregnant.

Maybe one of those little follicles heard my prayer. Or perhaps, all I needed to do was turn off the fertility monitor and relax instead.  Either way, I feel blessed. x

32 comments:

  1. YEEEEEEES!!!!!!! I just punched the air in excitement for you! I'm so very pleased for you. Congratulations! I know, from your past posts you have alluded to the anxiety this has caused you ... and you know what, I've heard so many stories of couples struggling to get pregnant, then they go away on holiday and conceive. There is alot to be said about switching off the head and just relaxing. I was pregnant a month after we came back from honeymoon. Now that you are technically an older mum - you will have to write your story for Older Mum one day - that's if you want to of course! Well done you!!!! What a fab post!

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    1. Thank you. Yes, I did say if no 2 ever came along I would write you an Older Mum post. Looks like I'll have to do it now! x

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    2. Ps I just realised .... it going to be 'Mummy Plum .... the musings of a mother of TWO'.

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  2. Many, many congratulations!! So pleased and excited for you, that is just wonderful news. As Sarah said, so many people struggle then when they relax it just happens. It's the relaxing that's just so difficult! Looking forward to the Older Mum story!! What a lovely bit of cheer in the inbox this evening. Pxx

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    1. Thanks so much Polly. I'm finally allowing myself a chance to get excited now. Funny how life turns out isn't it? Never thought I'd be in the 'older mum' camp. Just shows you can't plan these things. Hurrah for older mums...x

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    2. MP, are you kidding, 37 is not the older mum camp LOL!! You have to be at least over 45 for that title these days, 37 is the new 27!

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    3. You've mentioned before that I'm a youngster MLM, now I'm dying to know how old you were when you had TC? x

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    4. I'll email you MP! I think I knew you were pregnant because my mini plum tree (which I have named Mummy Plum) has several teeny plums which are now looking like pregnant tums, it was a sign!! :))

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  3. CONGRATULATIONS! I am SO pleased for you! Absolutely brilliant news. That's made my night! x

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    1. Hey, thanks so much. Am finding all your pregnancy related posts a very useful memory jog. x

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  4. Congratulations, a holiday was obviously what you needed. Hope that you have been feeling ok x

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    1. Thank you Handmade Mum. I've been feeling a lot better in the last week - before that I was feeling a little green around the gills...

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  5. Oh my gosh! Tears of joy pricked my eyes when I woke up and read this! I am so happy for you. A long hard journey has now come to fruitition for you and the whole family! I am truly thrilled for you and am looking forward to reading about your very special pregnancy journey! This is the reason for all that extra memory recalling! BIG HUGE SMILES ALL ROUND!xxx

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    1. Thanks Lyns, yes, maybe this is is the reason I've been feeling all nostalgic and taking a trip down memory lane. x

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  6. Fantastic news. You made me cry - I was holding my breath just in case while reading it - and Hurrah - not the last at all - I hope the first of many, many, more. Congratulations X

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    1. Tissue? I've got loads - it's my hormones! Thanks Anya, feel v. happy. x

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  7. I could see this comikng half way through your post. It's ironic how sometimes the biggest obstacle to getting pregnant is trying too hard. Congratulations - I shall be following your progress.

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    1. I obviously need to work on my storytelling skills! Thank you MLSM.

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  8. Huge congrats Mummy Plum!! Only just seen this post, so very pleased for you xxx

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    1. Thanks MLM. Hence the reason I've been eating so much bread. Carbs have been my only way to get through the morning sickness!

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    2. ah, morning (noon & night) sickness, I remember it all too well with both of mine. Eat (within reason) whatever makes you feel better. I had ginger tea, sea bands, homemade smoothies on the go to sip on.
      I have a half funny story, Mr J thought it was funny to mention greasy food to me one day and I threw up over his shirt (not on purpose but good aim!)

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    3. LOL! That is FUNNY. That will be one to recount for years to come!

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  9. Oh wow, what fantastic news!! Massive congratulations to you, I too look forward to following your posts xx

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  10. That's amazing news. Huge congratulations x

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  11. OH MY GOSH! Congratulations! And I tell you what - my step-sister had the same story. She was 40 when she got pregnant but this woman is as healthy as you come. Always took great care of herself. There was no reason for her to have any issue (except with her case this was a first ever child) but they finally set up an appointment for fertility help. Well, they got pregnant before they even started the process!!!

    We had our first children within four months of each other. Such a blessing! I look forward to reading about your pregnancy journey as well as everything in between!

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    1. Thanks Julia, I'm enjoying reading about yours as well. Although I think you're a bit closer to B -Day than me! x

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  12. Truly, truly wonderful news. Many congratulations. How are you feeling now? Any tiredness and nausea hanging around? And has the little bump started to appear? Such an exciting time. Oh and I wonder how little Pip will feel about someone else taking over his boobies. That's going to be fun :-)

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    1. Thanks FFHM. Thought I was turning a corner mid last week but I've felt rubbish this weekend. Although actually think it might be a virus. Tiredness is still bad. Yes, definitely signs of a little bump. In fact most of my trousers are too tight already. As for the boobies and LP. Yes, it's going to be a challenge I think. Hence my desire to stop the boobiness now! Hope you're feeling a bit brighter. x

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  13. I am so pleased for you thats fantastic news, i was crossing my fingers for you all through the post and praying for your wish to come true.
    congratulations xxxx

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