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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Crime Time

It’s not been a good start to the week. Since the weekend, I’ve found myself the victim of not one, but two crimes.  Perhaps it’s divine retribution; payback for the car tax misdemeanour.

Crime no. 1

A theft. From my own home.

Feeling a tad peckish last night, I ventured into the 'Gruffalo’s Cave' to retrieve the last of the Christmas Toblerone.  Salivating at the thought of a sweet chocolate pyramid filled with delicious, chewy nougat, I made my way down to the cellar, only to find, the previously unopened box had been broken into and that more than half of my Toblerone HAD BEEN EATEN.

Yes, the pesky little rodents are back. Thieving little blighters. I shall be having a word with the man from the council.  After relieving me of a not insignificant sum of money, and assuring me, ‘It’s perfectly painless, they’ll eat this last supper, and just go off for a nice long sleep”, it seems, that they decided to awake from their slumber...and come back for pudding. 

Nobody steals my Toblerone and gets away with it.   I have summoned the Pied Piper to return to Faulty Towers this week, to deal with the burgeoning mouse population once and for all.  And if that doesn’t do it, I’m going to borrow next door’s cat, shut him in the cellar and leave him there to ‘dance’ with them until the job is done.  Stealing the last of a woman's chocolate is simply unforgivable.

Crime no 2.

My mobile phone was stolen yesterday morning.  Having manfully tackled the Monday morning marathon trek to swimming, and all our other tasks, I decided I would treat us to a quick cup of coffee and a babyccino in our favourite bakery cum coffee shop.  We had barely spooned the milky foam from the top of our cups when two gypsy looking women, (long hair, swishing skirts, gold teeth) entered the shop and started to beg for money, sashaying their way through the tightly packed in tables.  Practically standing on top of us, one woman started to whisper to me in a language I didn’t understand, making weird hand gestures and then reached out as if to take the packet of sugar I was putting in my coffee.  ‘What are you doing?’ I said, pulling the sugar away from her. Pip looked a little frightened. With restraint I politely asked if she could ‘GO away’.  No one else paid them much attention, and they swiftly left. Ten seconds later, I realised my mobile phone was no longer on the table, and had disappeared with them.  I had fallen foul of the classic distraction tactic, masterfully performed Artful Dodger- stylie. Bye bye iphone.

The remainder of the morning was spent sitting next to a homeless old lady in the police station waiting room who smelt very strongly of wood smoke, had plastic bags as shoes and was engrossed in writing letters on a couple of five pound notes.  The total sum of her worldly possessions were gathered in a scruffy little cart that she parked by the side of the wall.

The local police were very efficient and helpful, they sent out an immediate search party looking for the two gypsy women, but unsurprisingly, they didn’t find them. I won’t see my phone again, it’s long gone. But frankly, it’s only a phone, and it was insured anyway. The situation is inconvenient, but that’s it.  Sitting next to a homeless old woman who seemed to think that the best thing to do with money was write letters on it, rather than perhaps visit  the second hand shop across the road to buy shoes to cover her swollen, sore infected feet, was a worthy reminder that I have little to worry about in life*. 

*With the exception of the small issue of dealing with the Toblerone eaters.

15 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about your phone. What a pain! As for the Toblerone, I'd definitely be coaxing in next door's cat with the promise of wafer thin ham (my cat went mental for it until the day he died, bless his soul) and live rodents to play with.

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    1. Sorry to hear about your cat :0(. Will bear in mind that wafer thin ham might be a good coaxing tool though!

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear about the tolberone, at least the phone was insured, but still must've have been a shock. i think you should lock the pied piper in the celler and make him dance till the mouses fall asleep and not let him out till he promises to buy you more tolberone.

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    1. Like your thinking CR. Shame my house insurance doesn't stretch to Toblerone theft...

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  3. Oh no, what a dreadful inconvenience. Toblerone should BE THERE when you need it, especially if you have to make a trek down to the cellar for it. Seriously, sorry to hear about the phone, I hate the way some people can just get right in your face so you don't see what's happening. Even more unsettling when you have a little one with you, especially if he was showing signs of being frightened. They just catch you on the hop, don't they. I agree with Chickenruby, the mouse man should be shut in the cellar to finish the job! Polly x

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    1. Thanks Polly. Afterwards it seemed so OBVIOUS what they were doing. But at the time, you just feel confused/ hassled etc and so they catch you off guard. I guess the moral to the story also is never leave your phone on a table in a coffee shop - even if you are sitting next to it!

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  4. Your house sounds so similar to mine. I was lucky though I had found that the mouse had eaten through my new pack of J-Cloths under the sink rather than my chocolate! Hubby reckons he has dealt with it now and I must say I haven't seen any signs of late that little 'Jerry' is still about...

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    1. If only mine liked J cloths. Cous Cous and Toblerone, oh, and most recently it seems, chocolate buttons too. Needless to say, the chocolate stash has now been moved.

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  5. Hello! I can emptahise. We have mice too, and they make a racket in the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning scurrying about the recycling. Mice arent the same as they were decades ago. They've changed. Hardened. The mouse traps dont work. Nothing does. Its driving me bonkers. Have you thought about threatening them with the Gruffalo !? How dare they take your chocolate. The audacity! I hope said chocolate bar has been replaced. And anyway since when did mice like chocolate? Sorry about the phone. A classic distraction technique. It does put things into perspective when sat next to desolation and poverty. Now treat yourself to a well earned triangle or two of toblerone.

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    1. Agree - these London mice they're like gangsters - and runnin the 'hood. One of the reasons they're so hard to get rid of is that so many of the properties here are so old. They can squeeze through a 5mm gap. That's nothing - especially when I think about all the faulty brickwork and pointing at our house!

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    2. I can concur, our house is full of holes and I now creep around in trepidation of what I might find. Don't think our Essex mice are as brave as the 'hood' London ones though haha.x

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  6. The exact same thing happened to me yesterday afternoon in the Wellcome Trust. Two gypsy looking women (looking like a mother and daughter - the daughter was heavily pregnant) came to our table in a cafe, having newspapers placed on their palms and begged for money. They said something that I couldn't understand. A few minutes after they left, my phone was gone. I completely understand how you feel. I spent two hours last night with my boyfriend driving down the city and tried to track the phone using my google lattitude account (as indicated at EAT on Cornhill. However we weren't sure if the phone was still switched on (maybe EAT was where they went before the phone was switched off so we had to give up in the end. I'll keep on searching. I just hope that the theft will switch on the phone again so that I'll have a chance to track it down. Still couldn't believe what happened!! Just want warn everyone to be careful and cautious under the similar circumstance.

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  7. We've had mice in the past - little blighters ate some of my daughters birthday pressies - and they were clothes not even food - grrr. I sympathise and as for *ahem* gypsies or travellers - my views are not printable since some charming examples decided to stick a caravan not far from our house. I shall say no more.

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  8. They ate clothes? I've not heard of that before. I've just got moths eating mine!

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  9. Thats awful about your phone, nobody would take mine, its so old but I love it so & am resisting parting with it, they would give it back haha!!
    Pesky critters are everywhere, you are not alone in this. I do love them but not in my house, one came in last year through the open french windows, our dog chased it, got it then well, thankfully I was out & DH dealt with it, ugh!

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